Where and who we are

I remember Sunday mornings -
The first stream of unbroken sunlight, mingled with the sounds of nearby traffic. (I remember some mornings with ducks and frogs replacing automobiles...)
The smell of fresh coffee.
Startling realization that I was not alone.
Really, being startled was more like being pleasantly surprised (and, surprise only last for picoseconds before giving way to a deep sigh of contentment).
Nothing seemed "special".
And EVERYTHING was special.
Morning eyes, morning breath, the fact that a word beyond 1 syllable is unpronounceable until either a shower or coffee (or both).
I learned the value of a moment.
Seconds can linger - and I know I have a degree to disprove this - but sometimes, time really did slow down.
And yet, to make up for this, it sped up - what seemed like a moment's conversation became hours.
Days spent.

In my darker moments, when asked "How are you doing?",
I am tempted to answer: "I remember everything."
But, of course, that would not mean anything to anyone else.
"How are you doing?"
---------------------------------------
I wonder how long people will ask.
And when they have forgotten, and I still remember,
What will I say?
When time and space comes.
I don't know.

Maybe, I'll say:

Look, a lot has happened -
And I don't have all the answers.
Under the circumstances,
Really, I guess I am doing ok.
Even my best attempts to be angry seem to be foiled at every turn.
Nothing is easy.

I can't pretend this didn't happen - and I can't live here either.

Living is harder.
One moment seems easy, the next - impossible.
Very little is routine.
Except, maybe, tears and laughter (because we need both).

You can't live your life pretending you didn't make mistakes.
One way or another, there is a time to get back up and learn.
Under no circumstances am I going to stay down.

Maybe I'll say that. Maybe you should read whatever you want into it.
Maybe, I'll say: "I'm fine".
But right now, I think I'll just say: "I remember."