Gravity

It's raining outside.
The trees are undecided about which color to turn their leaves.
"The World Spins Madly On" is playing in the background.
And i know that's true.
Maybe there were days, in years past, when life felt less weighty.
Though, i can't remember a time like that. That's the beauty of age, i guess --
forgetfulness.
There's this gravity, this weight to everything i do.
Nothing is simply simple. Everything counts, everything matters.
Whether or not my actions are actually weighty, remains to be seen;
but i cannot live, i feel, in an ambiguous state of being.
i cannot say "i love you" to simply hear my words and hope that
they are enough to convince myself and others. There's this issue of gravity
that brings me down, that keeps my reigned in reminding me of what matters.
Softly, intrudingly bringing my head out of the clouds, back to the ground.
That's where life happens, anyway.
It's not possible to love without living. Though it may be possible to live without
ever really loving. And that's terrifying. Gravity, pull me down. And i'll wait
for this fog to clear.