this clarity, it comes at a great price.
and somedays i'm willing to pay. others, i curse.
cursing my own longing for semblance of balance.
my darkest lenses see better than the roses,
they see me and others for what is true.
but they are brutal, and then i cannot take them off.
and then i remember all the things i hid away,
all the things which kept me up at night.
all the sights and sounds which echoed
inside my heart. i remember the scars along the arms,
the words of defeat. the hopeless resignations.
angry words and accusations. and i remember the safety.
that suffocating safety in the darkness.
where i was untouched, by any and all.
and it almost seems inviting. almost lures me in.
until the pictures come back. how i was willing
willing to fight my way out. willing to die.
wanting to. anything to escape and to feel.
so i'm hopping the fence. not towing it.
and i'm letting go. trusting God. and walking Home.
it's a long walk. and it feels like i'm walking in circles,
but you're always here.
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