crash. burn. [repeat]
afraid. run. [repeat]
trust. hurt. [repeat]
hope. dashed. [repeat]
despair. pain. [repeat]
i don't want to repeat.
to run this cycle.
breaking away has no clear route.
freedom has no boundaries to start from.
must leave behind, push away all this.
start from the end.
push towards the beginning.
i'm tired of hoping in things that dissappoint.
tired of seeing glimpses of Jerusalem,
dashed when the fog clears.
weary of seeing what i have strained so long to see,
only to find i have made myself believe them to be.
i want to run.
i want to cry.
i want to hide-away and never come out.
i want to run to You.
i want You to hide me.
please make sense of all this broken-ness.
1 comment:
Hey Holly,
I had a few minutes this morning and felt like hearing the hearts of other people... so I started clicking through my friends' blog subscriptions. I ended up here through Mer's. I decided again that I really need to meet you some day. :)
You have an amazing way of expressing the emotions of your soul in your writing. I wish I could do that. It's beautiful. Even the pain is beautiful.
This post reminds me of the verses in Romans 5 that talk about tribulation and hope, and a (rather ...er.. intense) conversation I had with God about them. Isn't it strange that He says tribulation works hope? That from our pain and desperation and confusion, our fear and inability to trust... comes hope? But it does. I've seen it. Somehow, each time we end up in the darkness, God comes and then asks us to do it all again. Somehow, when we most want to run and hide and never trust and never hope again, God comes and gives us the strength to do just that, all the while working something beautiful, something strong, something eternal deep inside of us.
Isn't it strange?
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