Farewell

I'm not quite sure where it happened, or how it did; but I changed so much somewhere along the way. Castles in the fog and muddy knees in the silt, faces in rocks and trees all so distracting. All judging; making, becoming, forming this view of me. And I don't like who I am to them, because I'm not sure. Is that me?
But it's okay, I'll still write broken love songs, with torn sheets and broke strings, I won't sing I'll scream but I'll say I am okay. What is okay? Are we okay?
And I don't chase rainbows anymore, because somehow that's not done. I don't wonder at wonderment, because growth means tollerance. I don't feel with feeling the whole world that is stealing all of me into who I don't want, I don't need. If I could just run away and think.
Does grace reside at the bottom of a bottle or the ashes in the tray? In the subtle distractions from the throbbing pain that comes from living in a world that's gone mad, its gone mad. Maybe I'm naive. I can't say. Tell that to the end of my knife clean of the blood I almost let; this life I almost let.
Does this still mean, that Jesus saves me? When I am least worthy of love? Oh, a pure love. I long, I pine. Let this whole world fade away, I'll stare into your eyes. Jesus.